author’s cadeuceus

Pride Before the Fall

The sweat began running down into my eyes. I was gowned and gloved and wearing a surgical mask so I couldn’t wipe my eyes, adding to my frustration. It soaked my day-old tee-shirt and tickled my lower back, which I also could not reach. My heart was pounding and it seemed everyone in the Pediatric ICU must hear it as well. I really, really needed to get this i.v. started. But I need to explain to you how I got there.

There are some things you need to know about doctors. It takes a lot of pride to get to that point in medicine. And trust me, I am not going to portray doctors as the heroes who “save lives” and possess “God-like powers.” Bullshit. I have always thought that we never really save lives because every one of my patients will eventually die (some already did, and I am a retired pediatrician) and I will die as will every other physician. Of course, when a physician performs some treatment or makes a diagnosis, prescribes the proper medication, and the patient gets better, it feels great to the patient and/or family. I have been there. My late wife was cured of renal cell carcinoma by a very talented and astute kidney surgeon. She and I both idolized the guy. It was not his fault that she died years later of a totally unrelated malignancy. It happens. We all die. I said that.

Just getting into med school feels miraculous. Not every one can do that. Of course I know that no one gets to…